Friends

Its been a couple of weeks since a post. I've been so busy that I have to SCHEDULE time to nap!

But today has been a relaxing day. I woke up at 6am ...on a Saturday to take my test for certification. It was a bit repetitive and I think I was tired and feeling as though I should've waited until this semester was over to take the test. Hopefully, I did well though and won't have to worry about it again. Will find out in about 5 weeks.

So after I finished the test, I came back to my apartment and went to sleep. I woke up and watched "The Great Debaters" on tv, and now "Sex & the City" is on. I really love this movie, and I've probably seen it a dozen times and it always makes me cry at the same part - when they are in Mexico.

This particular part makes me think of friendships. Even though this is just a movie, I really believe that movies are based on someone's life. Carrie has 3 friends...best friends that she met when she moved to NYC and remained her best friends throughout all the ups and downs of life. I feel like I've been a very good friend to all of my friends. And in some instances it has backfired in my face - the most recent mentioned in previous blogs. I've been told that I would always be a close friend but someone could never be my best friend because when I get upset I "take things out" on people close to me ...so this person who I've known for years doesn't want to be that person. WOW!! So I was pretty much told that I was only getting a half-friend because when I get upset, it frustrates me and I don't know how to handle it...so I admit I take things out on others. So, I can't be selfish because others can't handle it.

I guess I should've known what type of friends I have when everything happened with Jordan. I couldn't even tell you how many people that were my "friends" had called to check on me or just to talk. It was after I lost Jordan that I stopped getting in touch with people first. Every once in a while here lately, I'll send a text or something to someone. But for the most part, I don't pick up my phone to contact anyone except for my mom if they haven't contact me first because...what's the point? If they don't have anything to say to me, why should I have something to say to them?

I know that everyone is a friend in their own way. But the type of friend I am to my friends, they aren't that way to me - but they are to other people...other friends who aren't the same type of friend or even on the same level of type of friend that I am. I guess I'm feeling dooped. Why am I getting the short end of the stick??

So back to Sex & the City...when will I find the Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha to my Carrie? I'm back at a point that I've thought I've been at before, but with a twist. I'm learning to be comfortable doing things alone. I was talking to someone about doing a celebration for my Graduation and birthday (Graduation is in May, birthday is in June - how fitting, right?). At first I said I would want to do a cruise. But then I got to thinking about being on a boat for 3 - 5 days and only being on land for a few hours a day...not my cup of tea just yet. So I announced a change of plans that I would want to go somewhere that I had never been, but a beach of some sorts and just chill. What was suggested? A state where they knew people and they could invite a group of their friends that I might like. But if I'm spending a weekend with people I just met, I have no choice but to be nice to them! So as I'm writing this blog, I've decided to go against that plan. And just go somewhere by myself. Not having to depend on anyone else or plan things around what they do or don't want to do - because obviously the same courtesy was/is not going to be paid to me.

Its that time that I become my own best friend. Maybe once I perfect that I'll be able to find 3 friends ...true friends.