I named this blog Jordan's Kicks for a few different reasons.
1) the picture. Jordan's first pair of shoes/kicks Jordan XXIII's to match his father's and to represent the year that he was born - the year that they came out. I LOVE shoes, so it only made sense that my son would have a pair of shoes before I had even known for a fact that he was a boy. His shoes were the first time I held him.
2) I had went to the ER a few days before Jordan's delivery and was able to see him on the monitor - of course the ER tech couldn't tell the sex, but it was ok, I already knew. And on that monitor, there was my baby...my first baby..playing with his feet. Playing and kicking the tech back after he had pushed down to get him to move.
3) Jordan's kicks - I felt for the first time on June 20th and for the last time on June 25th. Jordan's kicks had me to put my hand on my stomach and feel him, "hold" him. The last time I held him - he didn't feel it, but I saw him on the monitor and he was still kicking.
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I cried reading your entire blog, not because I feel sorry for you, but because I put myself in your shoes. The life of a child and feeling them in the womb is the most precious gift that God could give a human being, and to lose that has to be one of the most unbearable tragedies in life. I can not sit here and tell you that I understand the pain you suffer, but I can tell you to hang on. Live one day at a time. Continue to be strong in your faith, God loves you and there is good in everything, even if we can not see. He is there to comfort your sorrows, to heal your heart, and mend your pain. All we can do is push on, even when we dont want to roll out of bed and do anything. I know we have experienced our ups and downs, and I feel that I may have been selfish in my own crap, and for that I apologize. I am your friend, and I am here for you, I may have not done the best job, but God has pointed to me that that must change. I know what it feels like to feel all alone with not a soul to turn to, and I would not want you to feel the same way. I am sorry Tracy and know that I am always here for you, ALWAYS. I love you girl and you are in my heart and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, your blog is some of the most heart felt, honest writing... I have always felt so much for you and this just makes me love you even more... for living through such a loss and somehow still surviving. I know that no words could ever ease your pain, but I have always had Jordan in my prayers and will continue to... and I know he is looking down shining on us all, knowing how much him Mamma loves him:)
ReplyDeleteI know my life has gotten so very busy, just know I am always here... hugs
Very creative and thoughtful! I like the name.. and I like his very first pair of kicks!! :o)
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